Friday, October 21, 2011

Loving the Journey

"All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware." Martin Buber

If you had told me a year ago that today I'd be passionately spending my time on a scarf making business, I wouldn't have believed you. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that by this time I'd have a new baby at home. And I was almost right. Our due date has come and gone and if we hadn't miscarried in March we would have brought home a new baby last week. I won't pretend it wasn't a rough week. Instead of having a baby I was starting yet another round of hormones to try to stop the continued after effects of the second miscarriage. It's tough to get excited about starting birth control when you thought you'd be having a baby. But here I am, making scarves instead, and you know what? I love it.

The age-old adage to "love your enemies" doesn't just apply to people. Experiences can be enemies too. It's easy to huff and puff and complain, "This is not what I planned!" But is it ever what we plan? No matter how many lists we make, how carefully we check every detail, does anything ever come off exactly as planned? Isn't there always an element of surprise, very often becoming the one element that makes everything click?

Make no mistake - these revelations do not come easily to me. I've done my share of huffing and puffing recently. It's easy for me to love the scarves; what's not so easy is recognizing that it's the journey of loss - my enemy experience - that brought me here. And so I have to learn to love the journey as much as I love the surprise destination.

In any case, I do love the scarves and you will be seeing more of them soon. I've been busy taking care of myself, setting up a new studio (more on that soon!), and a-little-too-often feeling nauseous from the hormones. But I am beginning to feel better and have a few new scarf challenges to tackle. Stay tuned.

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